Thursday, July 22, 2010

“Thank you , brother.”

“NSG-010 this is Team1 we have two suspects, one on the top left roof covered by NSG990 and another on the balcony opposite the entrance, he has some sort of device in his hands, exact confirmation latitude 93.74 and longi..”…the trained heavily built sniper quivered in his continuation. It had been a long day, with buildings being blown up, riots and chaos. And the final call had come on the State building, Intel reported. The dust had settled down, the bullet ridden gravel filled the air and the rotting smell of blood loomed over the smoke filled afternoon. The sniper shifted his weight and suddenly gave a start. He was looking through his snipe vision, zooming in on his target. And something about the suspect caught his attention. The black and green bandana on his forehead. The one which he remembered very well. It wasn’t a symbol of any religious group, neither was it a signal for any destruction. It was just a sign of determination, a strong will, when you are about to do something big, something which could change things the way they are. Something for the good of mankind. He knew only person who had that bandana, a person he knew very well.


“team1, sniper 04, this is NSG010, you are authorized to engage, no exceptions, clean all suspects, the state building is rigged with explosives from the inside, they are waiting with the trigger for the auspicious moment, I repeat, you are authorized to engage!!”


Sniper 04 struggled to catch his breath. The person he was looking through his lens was the same person he had shared everything with in his childhood. The biggest disappointments, the happiest times, the tears, the laughter. He looked at the calm, serene face covered partly with the bandana and his hands holding up a small device as if it was an offering to God. The sniper rifle was shaking in 04 ‘ s hand. The cross air pointed to the man ‘s upper chest. Suddenly the world went quiet. There were no barking orders from the radio, no sound of the NSG choppers, no gun shots, no cries. Nothing. Everything stood still. He placed his hand around the trigger. He remembered the rose sherbet and mutton biryani during eid, he remembered asking his friend’s father for his ‘eidi’, he remembered taking him home for ganpati celebrations, lighting fire crackers with him. He remembered his pass during the final of the football tournament, which he had successfully netted in. He remembered slapping him after he tried his first cigarette. And the same person, the same friend, the same old comrade stood in line with his sniper rifle.
“what have you done, Komail, what have you done..”


The plan had worked perfectly till now, Komail thought as he adjusted his bandana. Till now. The voice he heard on the system was one he could not forget. The tapping had worked, all NSG radio communications were audible to him. He wished they were not. For he knew who sniper 04 was, along with his location. And he knew that his best friend was on the other side ready to put a 5.45 inch bullet in his chest. He had to make a decision. Komail could press the device, walk out unscathed. But he was also aware of the time lag, even after direct orders from NSG, sniper 04 had not fired his rifle. More NSG commandos appeared at the base of the building, evacuating people. Innocent people. People with families and small children. Tears began to form at the corner of his eyes. Not because he was going to kill a hundred other people, but even when about to do so, his friend would not fire. He looked up at latitude 93.74 and longitude 65.39 on his laptop. And found the location. He was right in front of him. “why wouldn’t you shoot me…it would make this easier…!” The detonator trembled in his hands, his conscience torturing him from within. Why would he have to make this decision, he asked God, why wouldn’t fate decide this for him. His hands were clammy with sweat, as he closed his eyes again. It was time. “I am sorry, brother.”


The base of the building erupted into a frenzy of smoke and gravel, as shouts and cries of horror filled the air. Windows shattered, foundations crumbled as the peoples’ muffled cries for help were drowned. The structure collapsed slowly, as sirens blared. Among everything, the chaos, one man smiled. The man with the green and black bandana. Komail. He smiled again as he looked down at his hand cupping his chest, warm blood oozing out of it. He slumped onto the floor. The smile remained as life drained out of him. “Thank you , brother.”

26 comments:

Dimple said...

*speechless*

You're gifted! :)

Rishi said...

nice.. well writien.. quite descriptive too... there should be a continuation to this..

http://theparanormalguy.blogspot.com/

Maddy said...

I believe you are on the road to become the next Tom Clancy. Well written.

omkar said...

dude...
amazing...
didnt want it 2 end..
terrific yaar...!!!
keep it up...

$m@rTPrEeT| said...

:O another one, every story of yours is beautiful..like dimple said, u r indeed gifted :)

Rishkul Kulkarni said...

Haila! Update? Yeh kaise hua? :P

Maja aaya padhneko...fiction is so much better than gyaan baating...

cross hair?

nil said...

You've left me speechless,man.

This was beautiful.

shrilata said...

:D
though i thot it wud end differently!
neways,liked your end more!

shruti said...

Real nice! Especially d unexpected end!
Nicely described emotions. Awesome read!

Goswami said...

Excellent! wow!

Anonymous said...

dude come wid more such stories.

Shraddha said...

Aah nice ! I'm liking the resurgence of the story-teller.

pratap said...

It is strictly OKAY.
People are a little prejudiced if i can say so when it comes to your writing. 'Because you are a good fiction writer, whatever you write has to be good.'
It is a decent story, certainly not your best, and certainly not the best writing.
And happier stories is what real resurgence would have been!

(Don't mean to spoil the parade of yugandhar: you are a brilliant fiction writer, awesome stuff etc! Just giving an honest opinion.)

Peace!
Cheers

Yugandhar said...

@dimple...thnk u!

@rishi..this was lesser descriptive than previous ones..!!

@ maddy...i had to search on google who tom clancy was/is..!!

@onkar and preeti...thnk u!!

@rishkul...i agree fiction is much better!!

@nilanjana...thnk u!!

@ shrilata and shruti...what ends were you ll expecting??

@gog , shraddha...thnk u!!

@pratap...hmmm...well the story was good one, had thought of more things but was in a hurry to end it, writing was less descriptive as i had observed my writings to be excessively descriptive, so i just took out whole lines or paragraphs so maybe it seems distorted, resurgence is a return (at least according to my word07 dictionary :P :P)...and to end a writers block it wasnt that bad...ur comment appreciated, criticism taken. thnks..:)

Yugandhar said...

@ptap...interestingly as i ve observed, you re the first one to read the post and among the last to comment... interesting it is.,..

pratap said...

@ yugandhar: no hidden motives behind it.I know what you are capable of writing, so brought it to your notice after everyone finished praising,and maybe the descriptions would have been a good thing.You always do full justice to the post with your desctiptions.
But anyhow good to see the return, and expecting more good stuff from you as always!

Shraddha said...

Oi I hvnt read any of your stories. Link them to me. Pratap says they're better than this - I wanna read...

Rohit said...

Very nice man. I liked it a lot. Long time no posts. Good to see you writing again.

losin_my_soul said...

nice to see you back.
interesting story.

annnanymous said...

I am generally a non-fiction fellow but trust me this is nice stuff.I hope you will agree to write a script for me someday.

Kirti said...

Phinally a comeback.
Very well described account. A perfect blend of emotions, action, and drama. The best work is when fiction has a faint reflection of the author..try it sometime..you will be good at it.
Write more often, O wasted soul! :D

abhijeet said...

I thought i was reading a page from a novel. knew u cud write but din know that u have been doin so on ur own blog.
am not a critic ..so cant specify ur +ves n -ves here..al am sayin is tht it felt good to read it. although I would have loved to be more surprised.. more confused..and even more childishly exited at readin wot u wrote.
i know u can do tht.
i'll be waitin for tht story of urs.
cheers.
god bless.

p.s.- pen ur dreams...atleast u will have lived them in ur head then! ;)

Rashmi Nambiar said...

ur gifted :)

Gurtej said...

Tu baap aadmi hai re... Mazaa aa gaya (as always).. Always wait for your blog to be updated. Love ur fiction writing. now that i'm in the US how will you inform me of a blog update?? :-)

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