An Answer

I look at the sky, with a genuine smile,
A God i try to find,
Grateful i am, I wish to thank,
But the sun downs me blind.

Just when you feel that things have changed,
And things have become better,
A certain action, a small event,
And everything returns to my gutter.

The mind is like a gutter i feel,
It takes in good and bad,
But inside itself it mixes the two,
And overflows the bad i had.

It would take years for me to clean my mind,
As the drainage never would stop,
And one small 26/7 in the mind,
It would promptly return to the top.

So i wish for answers from God himself,
Why cant i maintain my state of mind?
Small things distort my calmness,
And happiness is hard to find.

As i walked these thoughts, across the street
A child I found, below a street lamp,
Tattered, used books lay around him,
It was his studying camp.

He rocked a rhythm as he recited a poem,
A test he had the day after tomorrow,
Twinkled eyes, toothless grin,
I walked to hide my sorrow.

In a bus I sat and over heard,
A conversation between women,
One of them sobbed uncontrollably,
For her son had done the unforgiven.

He was a good chap, she said
For among the best he was, she wept,
But the fear of failure and performance got too much,
And he took the drastic step.

Returning home, I opened the newspaper,
Another 'chamcha' of a politician, he was
Enthralled and enraged and ignited by his speeches, he was
And thrown in the lock up, he was

On television too, a news was broadcast,
Of a soldier captive behind enemy line,
Being tortured and grilled for information,
His body rotting in blood and slime.

He keeps calm and shut for us,
For us, the ignorant fools,
And if he does get released, he would say
That he was just following the rules.

After these incidents,
I look up at the sky again,
The shining sun had disappeared in dark clouds,
It seems that it would rain again.

God did answer my questions, i feel
As i complained about my emotional trouble,
He showed me people with more difficult times,
And who had more to grumble.

But they didn't grumble at all, He showed me
They smiled their toothless grins,
They sobbed but fought their sorrows,
they were ignorant, but remained fearless,
They were betrayed, but upheld their valour and tolerance.

I looked up and prayed to God, to destiny, to nature, to life
I prayed for the ones i cared for,
But i prayed more for the ones in need,
Cos they really needed more.

And I didn't pray for myself at all,
Like I started off to try,
As one stops thinking about himself, he realises
The 'we' sounds better than 'I'.

Trip Diaries: Excerpts

Rhythmic , soft thuds, two at a time. I knew of maddys descent before I looked up. He did so, adjusting his camera to check its working status. Chirag followed suit in almost similar fashion as I drained the sand out of my slippers. We followed a path that led us behind our rented bunglow, a path laden with white sand and shells, with small bushes and coconut trees along the sidelines, the bushes opening up to show another unused rocky path. Maddy was immediately at work, capturing each picture with utmost promptness. I strayed away from the two, engulfing the aura of the surroundings slowly. The breeze blew steadily, our t-shirts held on tightly to our bodies as the soft salty air blew sand across our faces. We didn’t flinch, enjoying every bit of it. The coconut trees swayed playfully over us as we followed the rocky path, draining the sand from our feet occasionally. As we went past the bushes, the wind got saltier and stronger. I took a moment to look around. It was around 4 p.m. with the sun beginning its descent into the sea. The sand was warm but the breeze was cool and strong and superseded the heat of the sun. a long unused fisherman’s boat lay there shredded across a couple of huge rocks. The sand was white and soft. There was no one else on the beach. The sea looked peaceful and infinite as I tried to follow my eyes to the horizon. I didn’t feel like moving or making a noise or doing anything for that matter. I just stood there surrendering myself to the deafening silence of the sea perturbed occasionally by the sound of the birds. It may have been nothing less than the carribeans. As I resumed my slow walk towards the sea, I raised my hands over my shoulders. It felt divine. It was one of those moments which on observing encourage a head up eyes down expression, with a still face and calm smiling eyes.
The games had begun. After a quick session of beach football, rohit tried to match the strength of the waves with his own strokes. Amey tried to combat the waves aschirag kept getting knocked left right and center. Hansil, maddy and I were at our nonsensical best making stupid sounds and tripping over the waves. Rohan was the fastest among us and sachin complained of being allergic to sea water to which we were very ‘obliging’. Anup went hysterical. Bret had not joined us by that time and sinan conveniently missed out as he was busy digesting his excretion in his dreams in the room. Volleyball, sakhli, beachball and countless chutyagiri followed. It was a pleasurable sight- a mixture of people whom I knew extremely well, who formed an important part of my life and people I was getting to know. That’s the best part about a trip. A small photo session later, exhaustion took over us as we returned to the shore just at the point where the water ceased. We lay down on our backs and elbows, the slow waves washing the deposited sand on our legs, as we watched the sun set over the horizon.

We returned to our rooms but couldn’t have less of the place and were back at the beach after dinner. There wasn’t a single light bulb on the beach. But there was a full moon. An hour of kabaddi and everyone was down with aching backs and legs. As we lay down gazing up at the moon lit sky trying to count the stars, I thought about some things and had my own little introspection. All I craved for was a book and a pen. “this is what life should be like”, I thought childishly.